i hope shes sending me a vibrator.
i miss the dick

So, I'm back home.
Everything smells like the past.
I got my sex drive back and I've come to the conclusion that if Jess doesnt come here with me we'll never fully have passionate sex again.
Oh how I loathe thee, lesbian bed death. 
She liked her christmas present. It made me happy that I got someone something nice for once. I bought her two tickts to so you think you can dance, one for her and one for her friend curtis... and I can't say I want to be there.. at all.
Ive been missing the sex but not the intimacy.
I have this excited feeling in my belly and I dont know why... I just keep fearing the days that I have to go back there and every night before I go to bed I think of the fact that its  a day closer to that place.
Its either that or I didn't take enough clonazapam tonight.
Probably the last one.
I have quite the list of things to do before I go back and I dont even have appointments made yet. Ugh. Why can't truro just be 20 minutes away.
The house is done up really nice. Mom and dad seem happy but I think somethings going on with Kaitlynn. I feel bad that when I was going through that phase they had kaitlynn around to distract them from it. But now that kaitlynns going through it whos going to distract them from it? Maybe thats why they want to keep Mac home.
They love the dogs so much and its so cute to see dad carrying around zooey.
I hope I can be sucessful enough in life to give them a grandkid... some day at least.
I can't belive I think that way now. But lately all I've wanted to be is pregnant. Its driving me insane.
Jess really really really doesnt want kids and has brought up the possibility that it could be a breaking point in our relationship. I dont know how strongly I want kids but I must say that the want isn't getting any weaker. Its so scary.
I dont' have any plans for new years. I dont want to be alone but I don't want to be with people.
Thats definatly a night that I want Jess to be here, but I always feel like I'm draining her taking her away from her friends and never hanging out with them.
My bodys nesting but its too far ahead of our relationship.. and I don't know where that makes us stand as a couple.
THERAPY?!

So I had to move back down to my 0 guage piercing because I think my ear is fucking infected.  It hurts like fucking hell and for some reason the stretch just wouldn't loosen up the way they usually do.  Oh well, whatev.  I'm a little worried about it though because I've got pain in my neck and the rest of my ear.  Not cool.  If it isn't better tomorrow I suppose I should get it looked at or something.  Fuck.  I hate doctors...

I'm wondering If it's because I didn't use steel jewelery this time.  I just kept the taper in and that was just acrylic, whereas usually I use surgical stainless steel.  It probably is.  Oh well, now I'm going to have to wait.  Damn it, I had cool plugs bought too...

Anyway, still not ready for Xmas, getting stressed thinking about it.  It totally creeped up on me this year.  I don't even really feel Christmassy and that pisses me off.  I just feel stressed and I've never been like that before.  I'm broke as hell too.  Luckily my house is well stocked with booze and food...

meh, blah.  I want to go read and sleep.  I'm out.

MY FUCKING EAR HUUUUUUURTS!!! Mother FUCKER!!! I stretched up to 00 from 0 today. i haven't steretched in over a year and I forgot about the BURNING THROBING!!!! but, I bought cool plugs. The blue marble ones from CD plus. I checked out A & J, but the only plugs they had there were tacky bullshit, all stuff by "Morbid Metals", gah, Jesus Christ... which wasn't surprising, It's a friggin' shop associated with the Stephenville Tattoo and body peircing places, and "everyone from Corner Brook knows that everyone from Stephenville is a wanker." But anyway, yeah, EAR HURTS! I did buy a taper at A & J. They didn't have the middle sized taper between 00 and 1/2. Fucking Corner Brook, you can't get nothing here. I've been looking around for stone, horn, or wooden plugs, all I found was one pair of wood ones at Ten tattoo in size 0, and the marble ones at CD plus in 00. When I size up again I'm going to have to order online. I've been lookig at really pretty plugs and tunnels on one tribe organics. Nice stuff. I've also been looking at stone plugs and bamboo tunnels on a couple of different Etsy sites. Brudder is getting me 2 pairs of wooden earrings for Xmas! Yay! They're just regular earrings though, the wooden post kind, really cool. I likes them. Second bitch: I'm coooold! Third bitch: My boobs hurt! Fucking PMS! TMI? fuck you, don't read my goddamn blog! Christmas is creeping up too soon! I need to get shit done! eep! I made cookies yesterday and today and I need to make a few more tomorrow, but actually I just want to sleeeeeep tomorrow. I was going to sleep this afternoon but Jerm called and I ended up goin out for coffee with him., then Laura alled this evening and I ended up going out for Coffee with her and Nikki. That was cool cause I haven't talked to Nikki in years. She's pregnant with her second baby, and her older little guy is 2, He's way too cute. Reminds me of when Cabee was a baby... And now I am going to bed cause I need to be warm! I HATE WINTER!!! Whne I have a fine arts degree I'm applying for artist residencies in warm countries!!!!

Holy Mc Fuck, 10 days from now it will be Xmas day!

I have all Cabee's stuff, he's so excited. I just have to knit him a cool skater hat to go with the hoodie I bought for him.

Here's a list of the stuff Santa is bringing him:
-New Wii (the old one conked out)
-new Mario Bros game (It looks wicked!)
-set of 4 "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" books (he really likes that series, its like half novel, half comic book)
-Fuze beads (so he can make mario things, he loves craft stuff)
-legos
-science set
-art clay (Cause he wants to try sculpting, my kid is so awesome!)
-sketch book and art pencils
-book light
-stocking stuffers
-Toronto Maple Leafs Jammies
-Hoodie
-Eco-craft art/craft set

It feels so nice to be out of school for a while, though I miss my art class friends! I did pretty kick ass this term (I got 100% on that embroidery project that took me forever! Woo-hoo!) Ever since I finished school, my insomnia has magically disappeared, Gah! I've been sleeping super regular hours. I'm workiing on commissions now. I made $40 from a charcoal drawing I did, and now I'm on Knitting commissions. Mostly hats and mitts. I made 2 dinosaur hats, I'm making a unicorn hat, A double layer beanie, and a Habs hat with the logo on it. I have to finish the unicorn hat today, then move on to making dinosaur mittens... Gotta figure out how to do that and write my own pattern.

After I'm finished the commissions I need to start working on my families Xmas presents. Danny wants a rasta colour beanie, I have no idea what to make for Jenna. So far she's getting a hand painted scarf, probably with Wizaed of OZ things on it cause its her fav movie, and a sock monkey. I think today I'm going to do some Xmas baking and store it in the freezer. I'm making snowballs for dad, tweed squares for mom, and various other cookies for people.

I have a huge cupboard full of Xmas goodies. Booze, drinks, chips, candies, then my fridge has a drawer filled with xmas goodies. I can't wait for Tips eve! So excited!

So I wish the Art Auction would get back to me with my money. I could really use that cash. I know it's only like $50, but $50 to a student at Xmas time is a lotta money!

Speaking of art, I need to pick up some of my projects today and I need to start working on some art for my family. Art for Everyone! Making stuff for people for Xmas seems like a great idea until you're squished by time ocnstraints...

I'm getting some nice clothes for Xmas! Mama and daddy gave me money to pick up some stuff for myself so I got a brown leather guitar strap, a capo, a new MP3 player and clothes. New Underwear! Yay! and I'm going to pick myself up a new pair of plugs if I can find some at A & J's. I want something natural though, and they tend to have alot of plasticy crap there. I want stone or wood. If I can't get a pair there, I'm looking at a pair at CD plus, but they're blue, not my favorite colour. They are pretty though.

Got the tree decorated! and the garland strung up. My house looks mad Xmassy, haha.

Anyway, hungry and gotta finish this hat so I can felt it. I'm out!

PEACE!

kris

Never make anyone priority that only makes you an option.

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

- "Whatif," by Shel Silverstein

Dear Rihanna,

You need to get in touch with a major studio head immediately.

Regards,
Ish

P.S.: Run, don't walk. This is important.

BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS AMIRITE.